SCRAM. Secure Continuous Remote Alcohol Monitoring. Eight ounces of Colorado engineering that spends its entire existence trying to prove you are the kind of man who cannot be trusted with a single night of ordinary work. The company calls it continuous alcohol monitoring. The men who bill me call it Wednesday. The court ordered it. It was not optional. I rent it from a private company for $66.50 a week, and the bill comes to me.

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