The Telegraph‘s desperation to attack Polanski has plumbed new depths — complete fiction. Apparently, the ‘boob-whisperer’ smears, false allegations about the Red Cross and lies about Polanski’s council tax aren’t cutting through. (The dock fees where he moored his boat were supposed to cover it and only one person moored there had been asked for council tax in 35 years). So the paper — adding ‘news’ would be excessively generous — has made up a letter it presents as being from Polanski. It isn’t, but this is only stated right at the end of the dross, marked by an asterisk.

Astonishingly, the hack who made up the drivel was prepared to put his name to it: Guy Kelly. Kelly’s ‘journalistic’ reputation is forever ruined, but no doubt he’s been rewarded quite handsomely by his new, Israel-fanatic bosses.

Drivel

But oh, what drivel it is. Kelly’s self-description says he’s been “attempting to be funny for the Telegraph for over a decade”. Attempting is the heavy-lifting word in that sentence, very very clearly. The only achievement of any note in the article is that Kelly manages to completely make things up without demonstrating any evidence of even an acquaintance with humour. That’s quite a trick. ‘Funny-brackets-attempted’ in this case means falsely claiming Polanski said he used to:

• be Formula One champion
• be part of the unit that killed Osama Binladen
• blow bubbles into spirit levels

And that’s basically it, apart from signing off as if Polanski thinks he used to be an admiral. It’s not even Terry and June-level (un)funny.

The rag’s new owners have said that anyone who isn’t prepared to show fealty to Israel should leave. And the Israel lobby is desperate to smear Polanski. But maybe there’s a hint in Kelly’s pre-takeover output that he hasn’t had to be dragged too hard into a position to keep his job.

Telegraph — Pleasing the new boss

In September 2025, before the paper was bought by the ultra-Zionist Springer dynasty, the Telegraph’s Kelly was already penning a puff piece about Jonathan Hall. Hall is Starmer’s ‘Independent Reviewer of Terrorism Legislation’. Unsurprisingly, Hall supports the Starmer regime’s war on anti-genocide protest. Even less surprisingly when he has gushed about having “dear family members” in Israel’s occupation military.

The piece implies that criticism of Hall’s pro-Israel position and his support for an unlawful attack on UK rights is because Russia doesn’t like him. Not because of aiding and abetting genocide, oh no. It’s all Putin and those nasty Russians. Even that’s a better standard of invention than the Polanski piece, mind.

But while Kelly might think, unbelievable though that is, that he’s just trying to be ‘funny’ in his smear on the Green leader, others don’t. Like historian @thelefttake, for example, who has urged Polanski to sue:

The Telegraph has published a disgusting fake letter written from the perspective of Zack Polanski which makes a number of false claims which he never made for “comedic effect”.

Only it isn’t funny and I would encourage Zack to hire a serious defamation lawyer or it won’t end. pic.twitter.com/nWa2cGxzSO

— thelefttake (@thelefttake) May 13, 2026

She and others pointed out that the asterisk-hidden confession that the article is a lie, buried right at the bottom of the piece, won’t be picked up by AI bots. But the false claims will — and will be regurgitated to users as if it were true:

This is the point yes, hence why action should be taken.

These people know that these claims get recycled by AI text scrapers and grifters without the layer of satire. The point is to muddy the waters and they wouldn’t dare do it to any other politician.

— thelefttake (@thelefttake) May 13, 2026

Others pointed out how reminiscent the attacks on Polanski are of the media war on Jeremy Corbyn when he was Labour leader:

flashbacks pic.twitter.com/59PrPcux55

— Arthur ☭ (@KarlMarxFan17) May 13, 2026

A lesson from the past

The level of desperation is obvious. But the nonsensical made-up smears — including the ‘Labour antisemitism’ scam ultimately brought Corbyn down. Corbyn’s over-willingness to apologise and his reluctance to hit the liars with legal action empowered the smears. Polanski has shown signs of the same tendency — and he needs to stop.

Tellingly, the one smear that never went far — and in fact worked in Corbyn’s favour — was the one in which he took prompt legal action.

In 2018, then-Tory MP Ben Bradley claimed that Corbyn had been a spy for Communist Czechoslovakia. Corbyn set the lawyers on the Tory smearer. The frit Bradley eventually forked out cash to one of Corbyn’s favourite charities and pay Corbyn’s legal costs to avoid a court case. But most memorably, he had to not only post a grovelling apology on Twitter for his “false and untrue” defamation. He also had to include a request to everyone who read it to also “Please retweet”.

Ben Bradley’s viral 2018 tweet.

The humiliation went hugely viral, penetrated the public’s consciousness and set Corbyn’s smearers back significantly.

Now that was funny. Polanski should sue. Not only for his own benefit but for the sake of a country that desperately needs a resurgent left with a leader who hits back at the smear tactics of the morally and politically bankrupt.

Featured image via the Canary

By Skwawkbox

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