I am now more convinced than ever. The Labour Party that once fought hard for the many will die, meekly defending the few. Furthermore, I am almost as convinced that Zack Polanski’s Green Party is on its way to becoming a sort of socialist Labour, and the jokes about hemp sandals might just end up in the (recycling) bin.
Teetering on the brink (partly thanks to Polanski)
Little over a fortnight into 2026 and Keir Starmer’s Labour Party teeters on the brink of oblivion, a self-inflicted wound from years of spineless centrism and unforgivable betrayal of its working-class roots. We warned them. You warned them.
Labour didn’t listen. Labour doesn’t listen.
Polling at a pathetic 17-19%, languishing in third and fourth place behind Farage’s Reform UK, and even the zombie Tories, Labour faces annihilation.
Starmer’s own net approval, sinking faster than the Titanic after hitting the iceberg of public opinion, has plummeted to -46, rivaling the nadir of failed Tory relics like Theresa May, as voters desert en masse to the Greens and tragically, Reform UK, furious at Labour’s failure to smash austerity, tax the billionaire class, or end the cost of greed nightmare that is still devouring families up and down the country.
Or in the case of the Reform UK cultists, a failure to turn Britain into an ICE state.
Can you even begin to imagine what Farage’s immigration hit squad would look like?
ICE state
A megaphone-wielding 30p Lee, banging on your door at 3am, GB News in attendance… “BRING OUT YOUR FOREIGNERS…WE KNOW YOUR GREAT GREAT GREAT NAN WAS TURKISH”.
I know a bonfire of our rights is a huge concern, but a bonfire of our friends, family, neighbours and colleagues has got to be pretty high up on the disaster scale, right?
Further south, former Tory cabinet minister and Reform UK newbie Nadhim Zahawi — who would rather house his thoroughbreds in a cold council estate garage than join forces with Farage and Reform UK — will be drawing up deportation lists of people with slightly foreign-sounding surnames and having them shipped out to the deepest, darkest Russian gulags in exchange for a few more blood-stained roubles in the Reform ‘UK’ coffers.
Enough of this far-fetched nonsense, Swindon, you should know Zahawi would let us all freeze to death ten times over rather than allow one of his stallions to get a chilly willy.
Have you ever seen the size of…
My digressions risk becoming longer (titter) and almost as painfully chaotic as a Starmer apology speech and have the potential to outlast Labour itself.
Indeed, by the time I finish explaining how a soggy kebab wrapper is more socialist than the entire Labour government, Reform will have already built a wall in the English Channel using the rubble of Starmer’s career, and the Greens will be recycling their freshly-gathered red rosettes into compost for their victory garden.
Speaking of the Green Party and Polanski…
Are the Greens the new socialist Labour? No, not yet.
Racing ahead
Keir Starmer’s Labour has spent 18 months cosplaying as a slightly greener Tory party. They have ruthlessly purged socialists faster than you can say “two-child benefit cap,” while cosying up to billionaires, big business and foreign lobbyists, and turned Gaza into a nuanced foreign policy debate while kids starve to death.
The Result? As I mentioned earlier, Labour’s polling is in the toilet, trailing the Greens in some polling, and the base is fleeing like rats from a sinking red-branded ship.
Enter the Greens, surging like a particularly persistent sunflower.
Under Zack Polanski — who talks about wealth redistribution, taxing the rich, nationalising water, and calling out genocide without the mandatory “but” — they have stepped out of the protest vote du jour shadow to compete with the establishment favourites.
And despite the corporate media crowning the fascist Farage some three years before a general election, the British people prefer Mr Polanski to the frog-faced mug, Farage.
In London, where Labour hold 59 parliamentary seats, the Greens are nipping at Starmer’s heels, and among young people, they’ve overtaken Labour outright.
We are beginning to witness the death of the Labour Party as we know it. May’s local elections are set to be an absolute bloodbath for the bastards that stole the soul of Labour.
Polanski and the Greens are the alternative
The Greens — openly courting the Cobynites that Starmer excommunicated — are successfully pushing the left-wing economics that Labour foolishly abandoned. Well-funded public services, a steady-state economy (fancy way of saying, “stop worshipping growth like it’s fucking God”), proper worker rights, and actually giving a shit about the planet without feeling the need to sell it to the highest bidder.
It’s nothing new, but it’s exactly what is needed.
But, the Greens are still a broad church that includes middle-class cyclist-recyclers who think “socialism” means better wheelie bin collections.
They’re not rooted in trade unions like proper old-school Labour that we often hear about in fairytales, and they’re not a party of picket-line grit, and there is always the risk they could pivot to a more liberal compromise once the power suits arrive.
Still, in 2026’s bin lorry fire of British politics — with Reform eyeing a majority while Labour implodes — the Greens are the closest thing we’ve got to a living, breathing alternative that isn’t a new splinter group eating itself alive.
Not that I’m pointing any fingers…
Featured image via the Canary
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